My Experience As A "Fat" Ballet Dancer

INTRO

     I recently read a beautiful and inspiring article on Misty Copeland about her body struggles and how it affected her career as a dancer.  Copeland is an African American ballerina, who has a body figure that is untraditional to the ballet stereotype. This article made me reflect on my life and my body struggles. I would like to share you my experience as a "fat" dancer. 

Misty Copeland, photo by Gregg Delman

MY EXPERIENCE

     I danced mainly in Japan alongside many skinny Asians. I was often referred to as "that fat girl" by my ballet teacher.

     However, I was able to land a lead role in Don-Q's 2nd Act for our recital when I was 15. A year later, I made through the corps de ballet audition for Japan Ballet Organization's production of Swan Lake. I started to eat a normal breakfast, followed by an apple for lunch, and a small portion of food for dinner. I lost weight, but not as much. I wanted to look like the other girls, but I couldn't. 

Myself (2nd row, middle) as a swan, from Swan Lake (2009)

     Swan Lake rehearsals were a nightmare because I was the "fattest" girl out of 50 other dancers… including male dancers.  Being 164cm tall, weighing 55 kg, and having approx 21% body fat, I would normally be considered to have a normal body. During the dress rehearsal, we were given white tutus that were previously worn by a company of skinny women. It took two people to hook it on to my body, and when one of the costume tailor saw how tight it looked on me, she sent me to the head tailor, who simply said, "lose 2 kg by next week."

     I usually took my stress out on food. When I was in Boston for 5 weeks during the Summer Dance Program, I was under so much stress that I binged every morning and night in the dormitory cafeteria. Compared to other girls with female triad and eating disorders, you could say that I had a healthy life. But, I did go through some crazy moments where I would start feeling guilty, and sometimes cry, after drinking a bottle of juice or eating a bag of chips. My brother soon picked up on my behavior and started to finish what I started to eat so that I wouldn't feel bad about myself. 

     After switching to another dance studio and told the teacher that I want to get really serious about dancing, she nicely replied, "I don't think it's possible, but I would love to give you my full support. As a first step, you'd have to stop eating dinner." 
     
     That's when I realized that maybe, ballet is not for me.



THE BODY EXPECTATION IN THE DANCE-WORLD

     Let's look at the requirements to audition for dance companies in 2014: 

• The Saint-Petersburg State Academic Theatre of ballet of Boris Eifman
• Female: minimum 172 cm tall; Males: minimum 182 cm tall
• Aalto Ballet Theatre Essen
• Minimum of 182 cm tall
• The Polish National Ballet
• Female: max 175 cm; Male: min 180 cm
• Cincinnati Ballet
• Females: max 5'7"; Males: min 5'9"
• Moulin Rouge (France)
• Females: min 175 cm (5'9"); Males: min 185 cm (6'1")
• Bollywood female dancer contracting in India
• Min height: 170 cm (5'7"); Min weight: 50 kg (110 lbs)
• Prague Chamber Ballet
• Males: min 170 cm

     With these height requirements, companies would most likely hire female dancers if they weigh around 110-120 lbs. Although this is not always the case, but there are more companies that set height requirements. 

     It is known that ballerinas have significantly lower body mass index than the normal population. In a study of 30 female dancers between the age of 15 to 19, nearly 50% were found to be underweight. Meanwhile, another study showed that ectomorphic (long and thin) body structure with low body fat percentage was linked to injury. Regardless, tall and skinny will remain to be an ideal body shape in ballet.

     Why will it remain like that? Because schools tend to produce and reproduce these ideal bodies of "almost skeletal, hyper-flexible, ephemeral bodies" to fit to the audience's expectations. A 4-year qualitative study on 12 young dancers revealed the process of these adolescents accepting these ideals and strive to achieve the audience's expected bodies. 

     But get this: a study on ideal ballerina body size, results showed that the audience's expectation of ballerinas' body shape is different than that of professional dancers and students. 

SOME THINGS CANNOT BE CHANGED

     About 80% of your height is controlled by genetics. Genetics also controls more than 50% of bone density and lean muscles.  We can all go to the gym and work out as hard as we can, but you can only change yourself to a certain point. 

     So what's my point?

     I believe that it is unhealthy to put yourself into a situation full of people that does not appreciate you. Fitting yourself into an ideal expectation might be necessary in the dance world and other professions, but there are some genetic factors that will prevent you from reaching towards the goal. But, Misty Copeland found a place where she could shine. If you can find a great support system and environment like her, you might be able to accept yourself and move on. 

     For me, I had to step away from ballet, and it worked out great for me because I feel healthier than ever. Other "fat" dancers stuck around, and it turned out great for them. Some majored or minored in ballet in college, or picked up another genre. It's all about your mindset. 

     So what do you think? And what was your struggle like?


REFERENCES

Mihajlović, B., & Mijatov, S. (2003). Body composition analysis in ballet dancers. Medicinski Pregled, 56(11-12), 579.

Pickard, A. (2013). Ballet body belief: Perceptions of an ideal ballet body from young ballet dancers. Research in Dance Education, 14(1), 3-19.

Silventoinen, K. (2003). Determinants of variation in adult body height. Journal of Biosocial Science, 35(2), 263-285. doi:10.1017/S0021932003002633

Seeman, E., Hopper, J. L., Young, N. R., Formica, C., Goss, P., & Tsalamandris, C. (1996). Do genetic factors explain associations between muscle strength, lean mass, and bone density? A twin study. The American Journal of Physiology,270(2), E320-327.

Twitchett, E. (2008). Body composition and ballet injuries: A preliminary study. Medical Problems of Performing Artists,23(3), 93-98.

Young, C. C., Subramanian, R., Niedfeldt, M. W., Guse, C. E., Hoch, A. Z., & Raasch, W. G. (2001). Ballet dancers & audiences: Their perceptions of body image. Medicine & Science in Sports & Exercise, 33(5), S96. doi:10.1097/00005768-200105001-00543